You're stuck in a deep rut
No hope of escape but
You've got something special
A je ne sais quoi

You know Lana was like that
Tight top and a cute hat
It's lucky they stumbled upon her in that bar
Came across that Lana Turner

Which brings me to this, to now, to you
You've got something special, you're fresh and you're new
A damn tricky business but I'll get you through
With everything you got, I bet you'll be Lana 2

We'll get you a headshot and plenty of castings
A fabulous hairdo and whiten those teeth
Audition for Broadway and wow the producers
Your name up in lights with the title beneath
Perfoming's a blast, you get champagne and flowers
And mass adulation when treading the boards
They clap for you nightly and only say good things
There's minimal work and a load of rewards

Minimal work and a load of rewards
Your name up in lights
It won't happen overnight

Let me give you a pointer about this whole business
Don't blame other people, you glorified hooker
You stupid dumb broad
You're awfully lucky to be with an agent
There's thousands of girls who would kill for a booker
But they're being ignored

Which brings me to this, to now, to you
I've got you a screen test for Deep Throat 2
A damn tricky business so what can you do?
Just a couple blue movies, only a few

I got you auditions for many a stage show
I want them to like you but clearly they don't
It sure ain't my fault if you're hardly a looker
I tell you to flash your tits but you won't
You turn down the corporates and talent show formats
You think you're so special, your head's in a cloud
I'm sick and I'm tired of hearing you whining
You could be a lapdancer but you're too goddamn proud
You're too goddamn proud